Ben Roethlisberger is expected back in court after the state of Wisconsin filed suit claiming the Pittsburgh Quarterback to be a thief. This will be his fifth time called into court, an NFL record amongst quarterbacks. Previous offenses include prostitution, not knowing how to ride a motorcycle, and rape (twice).
Roethlisberger will not be alone. At least 32 other teammates were accused of attempted burglary. Green Bay Police caught the black-and-yellow squad trying to steal the 4th Lombardi Trophy from the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame.
"We received 140,000 calls about a disturbance Sunday night after the Packers-Bears game," said Police Chief Tom Tedson. "Numerous witnesses informed us of what they believed to be an attempted heist, and when we got to the Hall of Fame the trophy was already gone!"
Lambeau Field officials later informed Tedson the trophy was not stolen, but pending shipment from a venue in Dallas, Texas.
The GB Police Force has not retracted the claim, issuing this statement:
"We have reason to believe members of the team will attempt to steal what is not theirs on February the 6th of this year."
John Conjunction of the Grammar Police leads the case. According to Conjunction, "steeler" and "stealer" are homophones, two words that mean different things but sound the same. This is not to be confused with homosexuals or headphones (attraction to those of the same-sex, and earpieces, respectively).
Conjunction believes the team should still be sent to prison for a crime they have not yet committed.
"I saw this movie once, Minority Report, where minorities could be arrested and cited for crimes they were expected to commit," Conjunction said. "It was awful, but it makes a good point. If you know someone is going to break the law, you can get them for it."
This will not be the first time the grammar police have intervened in the sports world. Conjunction himself is tied to another sports case.
"As law enforcers, we wouldn't be doing our job if we let people run around town bragging about breaking the law," says Conjunction. "My great-grandfather was the one who forced the Kansas Jaywalkers to change their mascot, so I feel proud to continue his legacy."
The Supreme Court upheld the burglary charge in court on Monday in the case of Rodgers v. Ward. The defendants can only prove their innocence and avoid jail time by allowing the Green Bay Packers to bring the Lombardi Trophy safely to Wisconsin after Super Bowl XLV.
