Eating Out Madison!
With Bret Bielema
December 17, 2010
For the last six years, Bret Bielema has lived in Madison as a football coach. During this time he has accrued considerable knowledge of the town and its people. In this issue, we present his favorites in Madison's culinary scene.
1. Fat Sandwich
Man, I fucking love Fat Sandwich. Fat MILF is the best. Chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, the whole deal. I know it's terrible for you. I don't fucking care. When it's fucking Saturday night at 2 AM, I'm going for it whether it's good for me or not. I could go for a fat MILF right now, you guys know what I mean?
2. Ian's Pizza
I swear to God, I go to Ian's Pizza every weekend, and I never remember it. The only way I know is I always get those 50-cent pieces for change. I have a stack of them back at my place. What the fuck do I do with them? Anyway, though, their pizza is fuckin A. Noodles on pizza? Fuck yeah!
3. Five Guys
So me and my bro Rick were at Five Guys this last weekend, and we were fucking wasted. And these two girls, I think their names were like Alison and Charlotte or something, come up to us and start hitting on us like hardcore. And we're all, "Let's go back to our place." But then they got all freaked out and wanted to go home. Fucking coastie bitches. Everybody wants a ride on the B-train.
I don't know any foreign languages, but I do know that Qdoba is Mexican for good, mi amigos. But once I went there and got a cup for water, and filled it with Gatorade, and they yelled at me and made me dump it out. What the fuck? I mean, it probably cost them like four cents.
Regent Street? Fuck that.